


it's your big shot baby, you're the next big star

by messedupforever



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Aaron and Tracy are best friends because why not, Alternate Universe, Falling In Love, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Movie Star AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-07 17:32:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12846060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/messedupforever/pseuds/messedupforever
Summary: completely au.aaron is a struggling young actor held back by not only a lack of opportunity stuck in the small village of emmerdale, but also by his stepdad who wants him to take over his business one day. when his agent and best friend tracy somehow manages to land him a role in a major movie, his luck seems to have finally changed – and all the more so when he falls, hard, for his on-screen love interest, robert sugden.robert’s a world-famous movie star, and he has the life he thinks he’s always wanted. he’s rich, he’s famous, he has an army of adoring fans, his career’s going from strength to strength, and he’s always got a beautiful woman on his arm – currently supermodel chrissie white. it’s not until he meets aaron that he starts to realise that maybe all of that isn’t what he wants after all.





	1. give yourself a chance because the best is always yet to come

**Author's Note:**

> aaron’s background is the same until age 16 when gordon kicked him out – after that he came to emmerdale to live with chas, his stepdad brian, charity and noah in the pub. he went out with ed (but never went to france) but not jackson.
> 
> robert grew up on a farm in a different yorkshire village, so neither of them know of each other’s families. his childhood is roughly the same although he left home at 17 by his own choice, and jack is still alive.
> 
> in this, aaron is 23 and robert 29.
> 
> other details will hopefully become clear throughout the fic as i don’t want this to be too long!
> 
> i’ve got it roughly planned out but not written, and it will probably be around 8-10 chapters. (if people want me to continue, that is!)
> 
> not sure yet of exactly in which chapters, but there will be references to/discussions of gordon and of aaron’s self-harm, so will warn for that now.
> 
> fic title is from val kilmer / bowling for soup.

 

 

 

“Aaron! Over here!” Tracy’s voice filled the Woolpack, and she waved her arms wildly in the air, gesturing him over to the corner table she was sitting at, despite the fact that he knew exactly where she was as she’d texted him four times telling him to hurry up and detailing her exact location in the pub. She’d clearly already started on the champagne that she was making him wait to find out the occasion for.

“You know I don’t really like this stuff,” Aaron said, sliding into the seat opposite her.

“Just one glass, then I’ll get you a pint. Though really, you should be the one buying _me_ a drink, once you hear what I’ve managed to do for you.” She took another swig of champagne. Aaron needed to start catching up as she was already more than halfway to tipsy, so he poured himself a glass, grimacing slightly at the taste but then downing half of it anyway.

“Go on then. The suspense is killing me.” He rolled his eyes, not expecting Tracy’s news to be life-changing or even particularly interesting. She did this a lot – tried to get him all worked up only for the announcement to be that one of her favourite bars had introduced a new cocktail or that some reality star she spent far too much time stalking on Instagram was pregnant or had gotten a boob job.

But even though those were things Aaron didn’t care about in the slightest, he loved how excited Tracy would get, and he knew she put up with a lot from him, so he let her have these moments. She was the best friend he’d ever had, after all.

“Kevin Travis is doing a new film. And _someone_ should be thanking his best friend and incredible agent and buying her a very large drink because she’s only gone and gotten him an audition for one of the main roles.” She looked at him knowingly.

“You – you’re joking, right?” Aaron laughed somewhat nervously. Surely she couldn’t have been being serious. Kevin Travis was one of the country’s top film directors. There was no way in hell he’d consider someone like Aaron for a lead part in one of his films. There was no way in hell he had any idea who Aaron _was_.

“Nope. Two weeks from tomorrow. Better get practising.”

“What – how? I mean – thank you, _so_ much, Trace! But I don’t understand.”

“One of his assistants called me earlier today, asking if you’d be interested. She didn’t give me the chance to get many more details. I had this client, Lana, not long before I met you, who was in one of his films, so all I can assume is that she’s still in touch with him and said something about me and he found you that way. It doesn’t matter, though, does it? This is _it_ , Aaron. This is the big break you’ve been waiting for!”

“It still doesn’t explain why he’s after me. I mean, my acting career – if you can call it that – has literally consisted of three adverts – one for anti-wart cream – , two lines in a film that never made it to cinemas, and no lines in a Hungarian movie that I very much doubt anyone outside of Hungary has ever even heard of, let alone seen. Not really a CV that screams Kevin Travis movie material, is it?”

“Great monologue. You should use it in the audition.” Tracy rolled her eyes at him, then drained her glass and poured another. “Now let’s finish this and go out and celebrate properly. No offence to the three quarters of your family that are _always_ in here, and I know it’s your home and everything, but I think we can go a bit bigger on a night like this, eh?”

“Let’s do it.” Aaron grinned and took her hand from across the table. “Seriously, thank you so much. I think I’m still in shock, but you know – this means everything to me.”

“I’m so happy for you, babe. And try not to worry about the how and the why, yeah? Life just works in weird ways sometimes. But you deserve it, _so_ much. You’re an amazing actor, and you know I mean that.”

“Thanks, Trace.”

“And there’s no shirtless scenes; I checked. I was discreet, don’t worry.” Discretion was not usually Tracy’s strong suit, but he knew she wouldn’t go around telling anyone about his scars. He gave her a grateful smile and thanked her again.

“You’d better go tell your mum. I can tell she’s been dying to ask me what the champagne’s for since I walked in.”

“I don’t want to jinx it.”

“You won’t. And she’ll be happy for you. Ruth too.”

“Mum won’t. And Brian definitely won’t.”

“Forget him.”

“I’ll tell them tomorrow. Let’s go.”

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m meant to be working Monday, you know. Brian will be pissed,” Aaron said, sighing, over their third cup of tea of the morning. They’d already been in the café for a good hour nursing their hangovers, despite having both promised that they’d be up early every day to prepare for Aaron’s audition.

“Geez, Aaron, that really is a tough decision – a day in the hardware store that will be exactly the same as the fifty billion that came before it, or a day in London with your best mate with the added bonus of landing the role of a lifetime.” Tracy shook him by the arm, forcing him to look up from the now-empty mug he’d been staring into. “Or do you _want_ to be selling screwdrivers for the rest of your life?”

“Shut up.”

It had been a week since Tracy had given him the news, and the previous night he’d finally told Chas and Brian. He’d told his stepsister Ruth days earlier, making her promise not to mention it to them. After Tracy, she was probably the person he was closest to, and she’d always encouraged him to go after what he wanted, but their parents (not that he really considered Brian his dad, but he supposed he was more of a dad to him than Gordon had ever been) were far from supportive of his acting dreams. He’d massively downplayed the audition to them, mentioning nothing of Kevin Travis or the fact that if by some miracle he got the part it would mean relocating to London at least for a while, but they – Brian in particular – had still instantly gone off on one about his responsibilities to them and to the shop, and for good measure throwing in their age-old argument that it was a waste of time pursuing acting because hardly anyone ever made it.

He must have been thinking too hard because he saw Tracy’s face soften, and she gripped his hand from across the table. “Hey, it’s okay,” she said, giving his hand a squeeze. “I know you feel like you’re letting them down, but you’re not a _kid_ , Aaron, and they can’t keep treating you like one. If they can’t be happy for you, it’s their problem, not yours.”

“I guess,” Aaron said, unconvincingly, not really believing it. That was his biggest problem, Tracy always said – he didn’t believe in himself. She said it was good, then, that she believed in him enough for the both of them.

“Come on, let’s go get cracking. Give you something else to think about. I reckon we’re close to nailing your piece.” She finished her tea and glanced at herself in her phone’s front camera before getting up to leave. “Besides, at least Charity will be thrilled. She’s been itching for you to get in with some famous people for her to meet.”

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron and Tracy took the train down to London the night before the audition. They stayed in a cheap hotel and had just a couple of drinks before bed, despite the temptation to get absolutely bladdered. They knew they needed to be completely on the ball the next day. Aaron chatted briefly to the guy behind the hotel bar, who asked him what he was in London for. Aaron said he was visiting friends. He was sure the guy would have laughed in his face if he’d told him the truth.

He’d been on plenty of auditions, but it was instantly obvious when they arrived the following day that this was on an entirely different scale. There were _hundreds_ of others waiting, and he’d never even had much luck when he’d only been up against one or two. Many of them he recognised, which wasn’t a good sign. A nobody like him wouldn’t even get a look-in.

Still, he tried to tell himself, it would at least be good experience. And it wasn’t as if he was going in with high – or any, really – expectations, so hopefully the inevitable rejection wouldn’t sting too much.

The audition went surprisingly well, all things considered – he didn’t mess up once, and Kevin Travis and the rest of his panel paid him genuine attention the whole time, even asking if he had more he could show them, and luckily he managed to improvise without stumbling.

It was a nice confidence booster, and got him thinking that maybe one day he could actually do this. He knew, though, that realistically he still had no chance.

And that was only confirmed further when two days later, back in Emmerdale, Tracy informed him that Robert Sugden had been cast in the other lead role.

Robert Sugden, who’d shot to fame years ago and was now one of the most famous movie stars on the planet, and who’d had more lead movie roles in that time than Aaron could ever dream of having in his entire _life_. Robert Sugden, who was ridiculously gorgeous, insanely rich, loved by everyone, and one half of one of the most high-profile couples going, his girlfriend Chrissie White a supermodel and the daughter of a billionaire.

Robert Sugden, who was essentially the opposite of Aaron in every way that there was.

Aaron had known he had no real chance anyway, but he definitely knew it now.

“This doesn’t mean anything,” Tracy tried to tell him. “Just because they’ve got somebody big to play Victor doesn’t mean they’ll do the same for David. I mean, they haven’t announced it, so they’re obviously still thinking about it. You said it went well. Stop stressing.”

“I said it went _okay_.”

He busied himself over the next few days to try and keep his mind off it. He put in extra hours at the shop, he spent time with Ruth and the kids, he went with Tracy to meet a few people about potential future auditions.

And then the call came.

They’d narrowed it down to four Davids to come back for the next round of auditions – and he was one of them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m so proud of you,” Ruth told Aaron over dinner at hers that night.

“I haven’t got it yet. I probably won’t get it.” He hadn’t told her; Tracy had announced it when they’d walked in. He supposed he should at least count his blessings that they hadn’t gone to the pub – he did _not_ need the pressure of the entire village knowing.

“You will! You have to! You have to get Robert’s autograph for me!” Aaron’s niece Maia (or step-niece, really, but Ruth felt as much of a sister to him as Liv) was ten, and like the majority of girls her age, was obsessed with Robert Sugden. That further propelled Aaron’s belief that there was no way he’d get the role. He didn’t have any kind of following or fanbase. Robert Sugden was a superstar.

“I wish Tracy hadn’t told them. They’re going to be so disappointed,” he told Ruth later, referring to Maia and his nephew Nathaniel, once they had gone to bed, Tracy in the kitchen getting them some more drinks.

“You have to start believing in yourself, Aaron. There’s nothing to say you won’t get the part. You’ve made it to the final four out of hundreds. That wouldn’t have happened if they didn’t love you.”

Ruth was ten years older than Aaron and, other than the kids, was the only member of his family who had ever truly supported his acting career. Brian wanted nothing more for him than to take over the hardware store once he retired, and Chas just seemed to think he was kidding himself. Aaron had always thought he was too – he doubted he would ever have gone on a single audition in his life if it hadn’t been for Tracy and Ruth.

“I guess. It’s just – it’s so much, all at once. I thought I’ve had done a lot more before I got to this stage.”

“You obviously didn’t need to.” She smiled at him, and for a brief moment, he thought that maybe this was possible after all.

 

 

 

 

 

Of course, any kind of self-belief had disappeared entirely when Aaron arrived in London the following week for his second audition. He had no idea who else was auditioning and whether their fame was more of Robert’s level or his, and he felt about a thousand times more petrified than he had the first time around. He was going to be auditioning with _Robert Sugden_ , for God’s sake.

The audition was in the same building as the first had been, but this time it was almost empty. It felt much more serious, and much scarier. Kevin Travis met him personally and guided him to the audition room, where two of the producers were waiting. Robert followed shortly. Aaron had never been so close to such a high-profile celebrity before, and was relieved when Robert was the one to break the silence as he had no idea what to say to him.

“Hey,” he said. “Aaron, right?”

“Yeah. You don’t need to tell me who you are,” Aaron said, laughing nervously, then wondering if that had been a stupid thing to say. But Robert laughed too, much more casually, and it was genuine, his smile reaching his eyes. Aaron liked him instantly.

Kevin’s assistant, Jennifer, gave them each a script of an early scene in the movie and Kevin told them to read from it. Aaron had never done a whole audition before that he hadn’t pre-prepared and was scared this would show, but it went fairly smoothly, Aaron following Tracy’s earlier advice to pretend Robert was just a regular guy.

“That was great,” Kevin told them afterwards. “There’s definitely some chemistry there. It’s believable.” Aaron and Robert smiled at each other, and Aaron pushed down his thoughts of what Robert’s smile was doing to him. He felt like one of Robert’s thirteen-year old fans with a ridiculous schoolgirl crush.

It was nothing really, though. Everyone probably felt this way around Robert. He was one of the best actors going; of course he knew how to make people like him.

Kevin had them perform another short scene from towards the end of the movie. Aaron felt slightly more awkward as he and Robert had to profess their love for each other, but Kevin still said it seemed very natural, and believable, which seemed to be his favourite word.

Afterwards, Aaron and Robert waited in a small room immediately outside the huge audition theater. They chatted a little, Aaron at first very conscious that he was talking to Robert Sugden, the world-famous movie star, but it soon started to feel relatively normal. They bonded over both having grown up in small villages where nothing ever happened – well actually plenty happened in Emmerdale, but nothing that Aaron wanted out of life.

“I hated it growing up, but I do miss my little sister,” Robert admitted. “I hardly see her these days, being so busy. My dad and brother – not so much. They never wanted me to go into acting.”

“My mum and stepdad are the same,” Aaron said.

“It’s hard, I know. But you just have to go for it. And I don’t regret it. I love being able to travel all over the world and do what I love, and I absolutely love London so it’ll be great to be here for a while. I’m sure you’ll love it, too.”

“You’re acting as if I’ve already got the part.”

“Oh, you have. I’m sure of it.” Robert dismissed Aaron’s doubts, looking at him as if it was obvious they were going to be working together for the months to come.

“Thanks, but don’t you still have to read lines with the three other guys? I thought I went first.”

“You did. But I’ve known Kevin a while. I’ve worked with him before. I can tell that he wants you, and I bet he won’t even bother seeing the others. Twenty quid says he’s in there right now telling the producers they’ve got the guy – you. I know he’s the director but he’s basically the main casting agent too. He likes to do as much of it himself as he possibly can.”

“You sure are a lot more confident than me,” Aaron said, laughing slightly. He wasn’t completely sure whether Robert was being serious or not, but for some reason his instinct was to trust the other man, which was mad considering he didn’t trust easily to put it lightly, Tracy and Ruth the only people in his life being even halfway to knowing all of him.

Gaining people’s trust was obviously another of Robert’s many talents.

“Trust me.” And there he went.

Desperate to change the subject, Aaron asked him what had made him want to become an actor.

“My dad went out with this woman who worked in film production and she took my brother Andy and me to the set one time. I’d never been interested in acting at all but suddenly, watching everyone on the set, it was all I wanted to do. I joined the drama club when school started again and that was that. The relationship didn’t last; I can’t imagine how it even started really, my dad being a farmer and everything, but I guess it was good that I had to do it all myself rather than using her to get places.”

“I don’t really know anyone in the industry, but it’s definitely thanks to Tracy that I’m even here. She’s much more of a go-getter.” He smiled to himself, thinking of his best friend and how much she must have been dying to know how it was going.

“She sounds great. I probably wouldn’t be where I was if it wasn’t for my friend Joni, either. I worked with her in my first job after I left home and came to London, and she wanted to be an actor too. We became really good friends and then, after a few months, flatmates. I had pretty much no money but she let me move in with her and that was really the only way I could stay here and go to auditions.”

“Wait – are you talking about Joni Pearce?” Aaron asked. He vaguely remembered some old rumours that the two of them had been a couple.

“Yeah. It feels weird that she’s really famous now. She was my first real friend after I moved away.”

“She probably thinks the same about you. Are you still friends?”

“Yeah, we talk all the time. Haven’t seen her in a while, though. We’re both just so busy.”

“I can imagine.” Aaron wanted to ask if the rumours were true, if Robert and Joni had in fact dated. He didn’t know why he couldn’t quite bring himself to. Maybe he didn’t want Robert to judge him for believing silly celebrity gossip, or to think he was weird for remembering things about him from years ago. After all, Robert didn’t know anything about him.

He did, however, ask about Chrissie White. They were the definition of a super-couple. Every teenager and pre-teen – and adult, if Tracy was anything to go by – in the Western world was obsessed with them.

“What about you? Have you got a girlfriend?” Robert asked, after telling him that everything was great with Chrissie (he didn’t meet Aaron’s eyes when he said so, but Aaron knew it was ridiculous to read anything into that).

Aaron should have been used to the question by now, but he still had to fight to suppress a blush. He didn’t know why he didn’t just tell Robert he was gay. He surely wouldn’t have cared. He wouldn’t have signed up to play a gay character if he was homophobic.

“Nope, not at the moment,” he said instead. Luckily, right at that moment, before Robert could ask any further questions about his love life, Jennifer came out of the audition room and said Kevin wanted to see them.

 

 

 

 

 

“Better get that twenty quid ready,” Robert said, grinning at him. Aaron had been so engrossed in talking to him that he’d forgotten all about their bet. He’d practically forgotten about the _movie_ and his nerves about whether he was going to get the role. But he made up for it in the twenty or so seconds before they were seated opposite Kevin and the two producers, Natalie and Ethan. His heart was beating so hard he felt like it was going to fall right out of his chest. He could hear it as clear as if Robert or Jennifer were speaking to him. He was sure they could hear it too. He felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Aaron knew that the words he was about to hear might possibly be the most important ones he would hear in his life, yet somehow he just couldn’t focus on a single thing Kevin was saying. He could see his lips moving, but it was if nothing was coming out. All he could hear was the sound of his heart pounding and his breathing so rapid his chest felt like it was about to explode.

“ – and Natalie and Ethan agreed with me right away, didn’t you?” Finally. Some words he could make sense of. Except he couldn’t, because he didn’t have a clue what they had supposedly agreed with.

“It was weird. We usually take forever to agree on anything,” Natalie said, laughing. Laughing – surely that was a good sign.

“We just knew, as soon as we saw the two of you together. We knew we had our David and our Victor. To tell you the truth, I was a little worried about this movie. It’s complex. Different from what I’ve worked on before. The characters are very unique, and troubled in very different ways. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to find anybody to do them justice.” Kevin chuckled at his own joke – the movie was called _Justice_ – and Aaron wondered whether it had been intentional. “But now we have. Robert, I know you’re already in. Aaron – I’d like to officially offer you the role of David. What do you say?”

For one awful moment Aaron’s throat completely dried up and he genuinely feared he’d never be able to speak again. He couldn’t believe what he had just heard. This was so unlike everything he’d ever imagined the film industry to be, and was so unlike the mostly bad and mediocre at best luck that had followed him around his entire life.

“Yes – yes. Of course. I – I can’t believe this is really happening.”

“Well, believe it, because it is happening, and it’s happening fast. Filming starts on the twelfth of next month.”

That was just over three weeks away. It finally hit him. This was real. He was going to be in a real movie.

He was going to be in a movie directed by Kevin Travis.

He was going to be in a movie with Robert Sugden.

He felt hugely overwhelmed and a large part of him was absolutely terrified.

He was going to be in was a huge city he hardly knew.

He loved acting, but he’d done none compared to Robert.

He was going to let down his mum and Brian, who he loved despite all their problems.

But he was also exhilarated. This was his big break. He vowed to himself that he would do nothing to ruin it.

 

 

 

 

 

“You were right.” Aaron handed Robert a twenty as they walked out of the building together.

“I’d love to go for a drink to celebrate, but Chrissie’s been moaning that we haven’t spent much time together lately so I promised I’d take her out,” Robert said, almost apologetically, even though it was hardly as if he owed Aaron anything.

“It’s okay – my train leaves in a couple of hours anyway. And I need to get telling the family over with.”

“They’ll come around.” Aaron chose to try and believe him. “And we’ll definitely have to go out when you come back.”

“Sure.”

“And, you know, if you need anything, like help finding somewhere good to stay, or a list of good places to eat or whatever, just give me a call.”

“I will. Thanks, Robert. I guess – I guess I’ll see you soon. Sorry, I don’t really know what to say. This still all feels so weird.”

“I remember the feeling. Terrifying as fuck, isn’t it?”

“You got that right.”

“It’ll be worth it. Trust me.” He really hoped Robert was right.

 

 

 


	2. we'll have it all, we'll have a ball when we're older

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should probably have said at the beginning that tracy isn't with david in this - they don't know each other.
> 
> chapter title is from two kids / the enemy.

 

 

 

Aaron phoned Tracy from the train and she actually _shrieked_ down the phone, so loudly that Aaron had to hold it away from his ear for a moment.

“I take it you’re happy then,” he said, laughing, when she finally paused to take a breath in the midst of her ramblings at a million miles an hour that Aaron couldn’t even attempt to follow.

“I’m fucking ecstatic, Aaron! We’re moving to London!”

“You’re coming with me?” He’d hoped she would, and knew he really wanted her to, but they hadn’t actually spoken about it yet.

“Of course I’m coming with you! Where you go, I go. You’re not replacing me with some fancy Hollywood agent just because you’ve hit the big time. You’re stuck with me.”

“You do realise we’re not going to Hollywood, yeah?”

“Shut up, Aaron, you know what I mean. Besides – Hollywood will definitely want you after this.”

“One step at a time, eh?”

They talked for a while longer, excitedly sharing plans to start looking for a place to rent together and Tracy asking a million and one questions about Robert and whether he was as good looking in person and how serious he seemed about Chrissie because she really wouldn’t mind a crack at him.

“Yeah, dream on, Trace.” He didn’t tell her that she wasn’t the only one of the two of them who wished they could have a crack at Robert Sugden.

“I’ll dream about him, no doubt of that.”

“What about Hayley and Fergus?” Aaron asked suddenly, desperate to change the subject. They were Tracy’s other two clients.

“Oh, they’ll be fine. They’re about as good as Hotten has to offer – they’ll have no problem finding someone else to snap them up. You’ve always been my main guy anyway, haven’t you?”

“I’m so glad you’re coming.”

“Me too, babe. And I really am so proud of you. This is it, Aaron. This is the start of the rest of our lives.”

It began to sink in for Aaron that they were going to be living the dream they’d had pretty much since they’d first met seven years ago. They hadn’t had much to do with each other when he’d first come back to the village, an angry sixteen-year-old with a troubled past and no hope for the future, but then Chas had let slip that he was doing a drama course at college and Tracy, a few years older and having recently started out as an agent, took him under her wing, giving him extra lessons, working on his ‘image’ – and above all, becoming his best friend.

The first time he went round to hers, they got drunker than Aaron had ever been in his life. Their words were so slurred they were essentially foreign. He threw up on her rug and she threw up on his shoes. They slept on her tiny balcony in the rain. He’d never had a friend like her before. Maybe that’s why she became the best friend he’d ever had.

She was the first person he came out to, and she was by his side when he thought he’d rather be dead than gay, and when he finally managed to come out to his family, and when Ed had left for France three years ago and he hadn’t been able to bring himself to go with him, and through every relationship he’d had since that had crashed and burned before it had even really begun.

He hadn’t been with anyone for a while now, having resigned himself to the fact that maybe he wasn’t ready for something to work out – and besides, he had his acting to focus on, and that was far more important, which he’d now finally proved. He was going to _make_ something of himself, and that meant more to him than any bloke.

He told himself that was why he couldn’t get Robert Sugden out of his head. He was stupidly good-looking and it had been too long since he’d had a good shag and he just needed to get it out of his system. It wasn’t Robert he was hung up on; it was the excitement of a new city, a new life, a new realm of possibility, an escape from Emmerdale. He definitely wasn’t looking for anything serious, but he clearly needed to have some fun, and there would hardly be a shortage of guys to hook up with in London. He’d be fine.

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m so happy you’re going to be around more now,” Chrissie said, her eyes gleaming, interlinking her fingers with Robert’s and using her other hand to take a sip of her second ludicrously expensive – even by their standards – cocktail of the evening.

They’d been together for a bit less than a year, and in that time Robert had never been in London, where Chrissie lived, for more than a couple of weeks. She travelled for work too, but nowhere as much as he did, and they hadn’t spent a lot of time together where they hadn’t been in public. Robert was pretty happy with the way things were, but he knew better than to say that to her, knowing she wanted more, proper commitment rather than the odd night in a hotel room snatched here and there in some foreign city.

“So am I,” he said, smiling back at her, internally praying that she wasn’t going to bring up what he was sure she’d been sitting on since he’d landed the role in _Justice_ and told her he’d be moving to London for a while.

But of course she brought it up. People who didn’t know him thought his life was perfect, but his luck wasn’t _that_ good.

“I’ve been thinking – why don’t you move in with me while you’re here? I mean, my place is more than big enough, it’s not too far from the studio, we’ll finally get to spend proper time together, and there’s really just no point you going to the trouble of finding somewhere when there’s a perfectly good place already right here, is there?”

Four very good points that Robert couldn’t reasonably argue with.

Four very good points that didn’t change the fact that, for reasons he couldn’t entirely articulate to himself, he didn’t want to live with Chrissie.

So he lied. He was Robert Sugden after all. Fantastic actor, even better liar. He tried to tell himself the two weren’t really that different, but he knew they were.

“Sorry, Chris, but Kevin’s already sorted me a place.” He hoped it could maybe count as only half a lie. He knew Kevin would have had him sorted out within the hour if he asked (or his assistant Jennifer would have, anyway) – it was just that he _hadn’t_ asked. He’d found somewhere himself, a small but brand-new and ridiculously modern flat a few streets from the studio, and was set to move in in a few days. “And besides – ” he continued, deciding to be as honest as he could without (hopefully) upsetting her “ – I don’t think us living together would be for the best. My schedule’s going to be crazy and I don’t want to mess things up for you. Plus, we don’t want to give ourselves the chance to start getting on each other’s nerves.” He stroked her hand and gave her a light smile to show her he was at least half-joking. “But we’ll still see each other all the time, yeah?”

“Okay,” she said, looking a bit pissed off. Desperate not to start a full-blown argument, he kissed her from across the table and she perked up a little, even more so when he told her he had a few days before he’d be moving in so he could stay with her until then.

She didn’t seem to notice that he had a bit of a hard time getting in the mood once they were back at her place and away from the roving eyes of the paparazzi waiting outside the exclusive bar they’d been in.

Maybe it helped (however weird that sounded) that he was thinking of – of all people – _Aaron_. He didn’t want to think about what that meant.

 

 

 

 

 

Predictably, Chas and Brian weren’t particularly thrilled when Aaron, knowing he just needed to rip the plaster off and get it over with, told them the news when he arrived back in Emmerdale after the audition.

“You have to understand, Aaron, it’s not that we’re trying to stop you from doing what you want to do,” Brian began, Chas (for once) silent beside him. “It’s just that acting is an extremely unreliable – _career_. I don’t think you’ve thought this through properly.”

“I’ve never thought anything through more in my life. This is all I’ve wanted since I was a kid.” Brian gave him a pitying look as if he was still a kid who couldn’t understand why he wasn’t allowed to eat sweets for dinner. “I’m sorry, okay. I know this isn’t what you wanted for me.”

“We want you to be happy. We really do, don’t we, Brian?” Chas chipped in, and Brian nodded begrudgingly. “We just aren’t sure this is the way to make that happen.”

“It’s a better chance than I could ever have dreamed of getting.”

He left, knowing it was an argument that was just going to go around in circles, and went over to Ruth’s. He’d rung her from the train after speaking to Tracy and made her promise not to tell Maia and Nathaniel, so he could tell them himself. They were over the moon, and it made him feel slightly better, as did going into Leeds with Tracy and Ruth for drinks, Ruth’s husband Richard at home with the kids. He realised it was going to be his last night out with his stepsister for a while, and he felt a pang of guilt at the thought of leaving her but he knew she was genuinely happy for him.

He worked in the shop every day for the next week and a half, trying to make it up to Brian (as much as there wasn’t _really_ anything to make up, as Tracy kept reminding him – he was perfectly entitled to live his own life), and he stayed in every night to spend time with him and Chas, even though he was on worse terms than ever with both of them. They all did their best to be civil, but he hated that they couldn’t talk about anything _real_ without it leading to a fight. He hated that they couldn’t seem to support him unconditionally. He hated that they weren’t happy for him, or proud of him.

Ruth hosted a leaving dinner for him a couple of nights before he and Tracy left. Chas and Brian came but went home early, and neither of them said barely another word to him before he left the village. They both hugged him as Tracy loaded her ridiculous amount of luggage into their taxi to the station, Chas holding him particularly tightly and telling him he was still her boy and she still loved him, but that he was making a huge mistake. Ruth hugged him and told him to have the time of his life. Liv came to see him off too. She was one of the few thirteen-year-old girls left who hadn’t caught Robert Sugden fever, his budding artist of a little sister instead more interested in finding out about what the set designers were planning.

She really was one in a million, that kid. He was going to miss her so much.

Aaron knew that moving to London was going to create an even bigger rift between him and his mum and Brian. He didn’t know if it was a rift that could ever be healed. All he knew was that it was something he had to do, and all he could hope is that they would be able to be happy for him one day and get over whatever it was that had them so dead set against it, because he knew there was more than either of them would ever let on.

He couldn’t waste any more time worrying about it. He had far too much to think about now. He had to give the movie his everything, and that was exactly what he was going to do.

 

                                 

 

 

 

Aaron had thought the audition had been surreal, and actually landing the role even more so. But neither came anywhere close to his first day on set. The sheer number of _people_ alone was so different to anything he had ever experienced. He’d spent the last five years of his life since he’d finished college either in the store, which had a slow stream of customers at its busiest times, or sat in Tracy’s office, drinking, watching reruns of old sitcoms (and sports when he could persuade her), and coming up with dream movie roles.

Now, he was suddenly surrounded by people – all day, every day. Every ten seconds somebody would ask how he was doing or bring him a coffee or spray something in his hair. It felt so unreal that they even knew who he was. He didn’t feel remotely famous. Well, he wasn’t, not really. People on the set knew who he was, but not many out in the real world. Two nights before filming started, just days after they’d arrived, he and Tracy had gone out for drinks with Robert. It seemed like every single person who came into the bar came over and asked for a picture with him. Robert didn’t seem fazed in the slightest, but it was the kind of attention Aaron didn’t think he’d ever be able to get used to.

“If it means I get to do what I love, then I guess I don’t mind,” Robert told him the next time they went out, just the two of them this time, a few days after filming had begun and they were starting to get to grips with the script, and the rest of the cast and crew – and each other. “And if it wasn’t for people like that, the fans, then I wouldn’t be able to do this or have this life in the first place. But I totally get it. It’s so weird at first. Actually it was weird for ages.”

It had only been a few days, but filming was already very demanding and so Aaron and Robert were spending pretty much all of their time together. They’d hit it off instantly – that day at the audition, if they were honest – and Aaron felt weirdly comfortable around him, especially considering this was _Robert Sugden_. Still, he might not have said what he said next if he hadn’t been on his fourth drink.

“I feel like I might never have what you have. I mean, we’re pretty different. I don’t really have the charm you do. They don’t even know you and they’re all in love with you. I can’t imagine ever having that.”

“You really don’t see it, do you?” Robert asked, looking intently at him.

“See what?”

“How amazing you are.”

He was just being nice, Aaron told himself. And he was _definitely_ reading too much into the look Robert was giving him.

“Shut up.”

“I’m serious. You’re _amazing_ , Aaron. You’re so much better than I was in my first film. And you have this – this _honesty_ about you. There’s a lot of fake people in this business, you’ll learn that soon enough, and sometimes I worry that maybe I’m one of them. But you’re not. You’re _good_. You’re so good. The fans are going to come _swarming_ , I promise you that.”

“Thanks, Robert, but – you hardly know me.”

“I know enough.”

Robert smiled at him, and he couldn’t help smiling back, and then two girls came over and asked for a photo, and then they drained their drinks and ordered a tray of shots and then they both went home because they had to be on set at seven the next morning, and Aaron went to sleep feeling happier and more confused, all at the same time, than he’d been in a long time, maybe in his life.

 

 

 

 

 

Robert went to sleep wondering if maybe he’d gone overboard in what he’d said to Aaron. Not because he hadn’t meant it, because he had, every last word – but because he _had_ meant it, he’d been one hundred percent serious, not at all matey and jokey like the two of them usually were, and Aaron hadn’t said so but maybe he had freaked him out. That was the last thing he had wanted to do. He had wanted Aaron to know how great he was, because he sensed that he lacked confidence and all he wanted was for Aaron to see himself the way Robert saw him.

Or maybe not _quite_ the way Robert saw him, because there had been certain thoughts that Aaron definitely did not need to know about, not if he wanted things to stay good between them and not get weird or uncomfortable, as he was sure they would if Aaron knew how he really felt.

He also went to sleep feeling _very_ glad that he was in his own bed, and not in Chrissie’s.

Maybe the problem was that he was spending too much time with Aaron and not enough time with Chrissie. It was causing him to feel confused, to create feelings for Aaron that weren’t really there. That’s all it was.

Aaron was a mate, and would hopefully become a good one. Robert didn’t have many of those, and he genuinely liked Aaron. He just needed to spend as much time with Chrissie as he could, to sort himself out and stop feeling so confused.

It was going to be fine. _He_ was going to be fine. Robert Sugden liked to be in control, and he was good at it, and he would have this fleeting fantasy – because that’s all it was, it could and would never be anything more – under control in no time.

 

 

 


	3. the stars are right above me up here, but they'll never shine as brightly as you

 

 

 

“I know you’re nervous, Aaron, but you’re gonna be fine, I promise. They’re not out to get you.” Tracy’s words – and the double whisky she was offering as she spoke – helped a little, but Aaron still felt sick at the prospect of his first television interview.

Acting was something he could do. Losing himself in a role, losing himself in being s _omeone_ else – that came naturally to him.

But being himself, in front of millions of people? That was a different ballgame entirely.

“Thanks,” he said quietly, downing the drink.

“She’s right, you know,” Robert said. “They’re going to love you.”

It had been a couple of weeks since that night in the bar, where Robert had told him he was amazing, and it had been an absolutely _mad_ couple of weeks full of intense rehearsals and filming and photoshoots. It was still very near the beginning of the process, and he’d hardly had a second to breathe – but he’d still found himself spending ridiculous amounts of time thinking about Robert, and the way he looked first thing in the morning before he’d had a coffee and his hair done, and the way he sometimes thought Robert would look at him just for a moment (it was all in his head, of course it was, but that didn’t make it any easier to forget).

“There you go,” Tracy said. “No-one argues with Robert Sugden.”

“I don’t know, Trace, I don’t think Aaron has a problem putting me in my place. This – ” he gestured to the crisp white shirt he was wearing – “wasn’t what I planned on wearing today, but he told me there was no way he was doing our first interview together with me wearing _that ridiculous floral crap_ , as he called it.”

“But that’s your signature look!” Tracy rolled her eyes hard at Aaron. “Honestly, Aaron, what is the matter with you?”

“To be honest, it was a bit over-the-top, even for me,” Robert said, grinning at Aaron to show that he wasn’t really mad at all, his grin instantly making Aaron feel more at ease.

“Told ya you’d come around,” Aaron said with a smirk, just as the car pulled up to take them to the interview, and as he got into the back with Robert and promised to call Tracy as soon as they were done, he found himself thinking that maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all.

And as interviews went, it could have been a lot worse. Robert had a way of naturally twisting everything so that most of the focus was on the movie. Aaron was far less practiced at this and was massively thankful for Robert’s presence when they began hounding him with personal questions.

It was to be expected, really – the world already knew everything about Robert that he was willing to share, but Aaron was an enigma, a nobody from a tiny Yorkshire village who had somehow made his way into one of the biggest film studios and one of the most highly-anticipated movies going. He talked mostly about how all he’d wanted to do since he could remember was act, and Robert helped him dodge the questions about his family by bringing up Tracy and how she was like a sister to Aaron.

It was all pretty much fine until Aaron stumbled when they slipped in a question about Ed towards the end. He had no idea how they had found out but he realised that there was no point trying to hide it, not when there was only going to be more and more personal interest in him as the movie progressed. He was always going to had to have come out sooner or later, and he supposed sooner was probably better in the long run.

He only wished he had told Robert himself first, and not only because he wouldn’t be able to help him skirt around the question if he had no clue about Ed or the fact Aaron was gay.

“So, Aaron, it’s no secret that everyone will be wondering about your love life. We understand that you split up from your last serious boyfriend around three years ago. Is there anyone special at the moment?”

Aaron couldn’t bring himself to look at Robert, and so didn’t see his eyes widen, just for a fraction of a second, at the word ‘boyfriend’. “Uh – no. Just focusing on work, really.”

“I see,” the interviewer said. “And do you think it influences your work – what I mean, is, do you think you can connect to a gay character more being gay yourself?”

“Maybe slightly, but overall no, I don’t think it makes a massive difference, no more than anything else. There’s other ways I feel connected to David just as much – like how important his family is to him, and the way he’s been through a lot to get where he is.”

“That’s great.” Aaron thought the interviewer seemed satisfied enough, probably knowing it was only the beginning of Aaron’s career and there would be plenty of opportunity to dig deeper. “Now, we’re almost out of time, but of course we’re also interested in your love life, Robert. You’re able to see much more of Chrissie White now you’re living in the same city – is the relationship still going strong? Do you feel the two of you might be becoming more serious?”

“Me and Chrissie are great,” Robert said simply. “I’d like to add to what Aaron said, actually, and agree that we can both see a lot of ourselves in our characters. We’re really excited to bring them to life. We’ve loved being on the show today, and we can’t wait to get cracking on with the film.” Aaron relaxed slightly at how easily Robert managed to avoid revealing anything about him and Chrissie, avoid implicating Aaron in any more questions, and essentially wrap up the interview himself.

“It’s been great talking to you both. We look forward to keeping up with it all.” She turned away slightly, addressing the audience. “That was Robert Sugden and Aaron Dingle, and Kevin Travis’ _Justice_ is due to come out sometime next year. After the break, we’ll be catching up with Gemma Allister on her pregnancy and _that_ red maternity dress.”

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m sorry,” Aaron said, once he and Robert were alone after the interview. “I should have told you.”

“Told me what?” Robert didn’t hesitate, but Aaron was pretty sure he knew exactly what he was talking about.

“You know – about me being gay.”

“You don’t need to be sorry, Aaron.” Robert spoke softly, as if he genuinely meant it. Aaron had no idea how, but somehow he always felt as if Robert was genuine with him, open with him in a way he wasn’t with the rest of the world. (Or maybe – probably – that was just wishful thinking, and Robert was just a very good actor in every aspect of his life, and they’d not even known each other two months yet, and Aaron was certainly nothing special, not to someone like Robert.) “No-one’s business but yours, is it?”

“I know, but – it wasn’t like I was trying to hide it from you or anything, but it was just somehow easier to say no when you asked if I had a girlfriend so of course you assumed – and then after that it felt awkward saying anything and it didn’t really come up anyway and – ”

“Aaron.” Robert reached out and placed his hand on Aaron’s arm, his grip fairly firm and a look in his eyes that meant Aaron had to avoid his gaze because he was sure his own would have given him away. “Stop. You don’t need to explain yourself, okay? And you know what the media are like, they’ll try and make it into a big thing, but we both know it isn’t. It’s just who you are; nothing’s changed.” Aaron smiled gratefully at him, and felt a little lighter. He felt a bit ridiculous, in all honesty. Of course Robert would never have made a big deal out of it. He was a decent person; of course he wouldn’t care if somebody was gay or not.

Robert hadn’t lied, not really. Nothing had changed in the sense that he didn’t see Aaron any differently.

But he did find himself wondering – or more like hoping – if there was any possibility, however small, that Aaron saw _him_ in a way even remotely close to the way he saw Aaron. If he thought about Robert even a fraction as often as Robert thought about him.

“You’re a good mate, Robert. Thanks.”

Robert pushed the thoughts from his mind. Of course there was nothing like _that_ between him and Aaron, and of course there never could be. They would be working together for a considerable amount of time, and they were friends, and Robert knew he probably _needed_ a friend like Aaron, someone good and honest and _normal_.

Then there was obviously the hardly small matter of his relationship with Chrissie, and the fact that, as far as the world was concerned, he was straight. And it had been so long since he’d even let himself _think_ about another man that sometimes it wasn’t even that hard to pretend that he was.

He had a feeling it wasn’t going to be so easy now, with Aaron around.

But that just meant he would have to try a bit harder, and he knew he could. He’d been keeping things inside his whole life, and for years he’d managed to keep it so that the media only knew what he wanted them to know.

Aaron Dingle wasn’t about to change that.

 

 

 

 

 

“You busy tonight?” Robert asked, a few days later, as they wrapped up filming for the day. “Thought we could go out, if you’re free.” It had been an intense few days and they’d been too tired to go for even one drink. Plus, following the release of the interview, Aaron had suddenly found himself the focus of a _lot_ more attention, and somehow the constant messages and comments on his social media pages, as well as request after request for more interviews, were even more draining than the long days on set.

He was physically and mentally exhausted, and as much as he wanted ( _longed_ , if he was being honest with himself) to spend time with Robert, he didn’t think he was up to a night out just yet.

“Me and Tracy were just going to stay in and have a quiet one,” Aaron said, hoping he didn’t sound as pathetic to Robert’s ears as he did to his own. “To tell you the truth, it’s all a bit intense at the moment and I guess I’m not really used to it yet.”

“Trust me, I know the feeling. You know I’m always here if you want to talk about it, yeah?”

“I know. Thank you.” Aaron pulled a hoodie over his head and tried to quickly sort out his pile of bits of script, not looking at Robert as he carried on speaking. “Obviously I don’t want to stop you from going out, but you could always come round to ours for a drink if you fancy it.”

“That sounds great,” Robert said, helping Aaron sort out the pages as of _course_ he was so much more bloody organised, and then they began to head out of the building together, exchanging obligatory goodbyes with everyone they came across – although Aaron was finding that he really did get on well with most of the cast and crew, and of course Robert had long since charmed them all.

“You can ask Chrissie to come, if you want,” Aaron said. They hadn’t talked about Chrissie much beyond basic initial small-talk, and Aaron didn’t fancy a night of watching her be all over Robert, but he felt like he should put the offer out there anyway.

“Nah, another time maybe.” Aaron tried not to let it show how happy hearing those few words made him. “I’d rather just hang out with you guys tonight. Tracy won’t mind, will she?”

“Are you kidding?” Aaron asked, laughing. “She’s still a bit obsessed with you. She’ll see it as a personal achievement that you’ve been in her flat. Plus, it’s hardly as if me and her don’t spend enough time alone together.”

“It’s sorted then.” Robert pushed open the door to the back exit, holding it for Aaron to walk through. “Hopefully she’ll get drunk enough to tell me loads of embarrassing stories about you,” he added with a smirk.

“She doesn’t needed to be drunk for that. She brings up my chav phase at every chance she gets.”

“I thought you were still in your chav phase.”

Aaron hit him lightly in the arm, and Robert faked being in pain before smirking again. “Shut the fuck up, Robert.”

 

 

 

 

 

“I bet you’re not short of offers like that,” Robert said, reading a message on Aaron’s Twitter over his shoulder.

“They’re never from the kinds of people you’d ever _actually_ want anything to do with, though, are they?” Aaron sighed and put his phone down on the table in Robert’s dressing room.

“I don’t know, Greg63 with no profile picture clearly thinks he’s got something you’re missing out on.” Robert picked up the phone and pretended to type.

“Don’t you dare,” Aaron warned. “I think I can just about cope with the fans, because at least they’re _nice_ , just very eager, but I’m not sure I can cope with all the creepy forty-year-old men thinking I owe them sex just because I’m gay.” Aaron watched as Robert turned the phone off, followed by his own. “What are you doing?” he asked, confused.

“Okay, so it’s not a permanent solution, but we can forget about them all for a few hours, yeah? Let’s go somewhere.”

“What if someone needs us? People _always_ need us. Especially you.”

“I think we deserve a few hours’ break, don’t you? The world’s not gonna stop turning, Aaron.”

“Fine.” He pocketed both phones and followed Robert out of the door. “Where are ya taking me, then?”

“My favourite spot in London.”

“Must be a pretty special bar.”

“Nope, not a bar. Wouldn’t be private enough.” _You have no idea how much I want to get you on your own._ He didn’t say it; of course he didn’t say it.

“You going to tell me or not?”

“Wait and see, Aaron. Wait and see.”

Half an hour later, and they were standing in front of one of the biggest (and, quite frankly, ugliest) multi-store car parks Aaron had ever seen.

“ _This_ is your favourite place in London?” Aaron wrinkled his nose and looked bewildered. “I think we need to have a serious chat about your taste, mate.”

“Just trust me.”

Aaron sighed and followed Robert inside and up what seemed like about a hundred flights of stairs. When they finally reached a stop, Robert took them through a door, nodded at the security guard on the other side of it, who passed him a blanket and a half-full bottle of whisky from under his desk, and then through another door that took them outside.

It was _freezing_ on what Aaron supposed was the roof of the building. There was nothing much up there, and he looked blankly at a grinning Robert.

“Have you brought me up here to kill me or something?”

“Shit, you worked it out.” Robert walked over to near the edge and lay the blanket down. “Not afraid of heights, are ya?” He sat down on top of the blanket, gesturing for Aaron to join him.

“Nah. Not afraid of anything, me,” Aaron said, sitting down beside him, their shoulders knocking together. Robert unscrewed the top of the bottle and offered it to Aaron, who took a large sip before passing it back.

“You can see pretty much the whole of London from up here,” Robert said after a few moments. “It’s the best place I’ve found to just sit and think. My life can be pretty mad, and I guess it helps me feel calm for a bit.”

“That makes sense. And it is a great view.”

“I’ve never brought anyone up here, you know.” Robert looked ahead, rather than at Aaron, as he spoke.

“Not even Chrissie?”

“She’s not really a ‘sit-quietly-and-think’ kind of woman. And I suppose I like having somewhere just for myself. I’m pretty sure no-one else this place exists, and even if they did Shaun out there would never let them in.”

“Why did you bring me, then?”

“I don’t know,” Robert admitted. “It just felt right. I knew you’d get why I come here.”

“Yeah, I think I do. You need an escape sometimes, and I’ve pretty much felt like that my whole life.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Not right now.” Aaron took another drink.

“Okay.”

They sat in silence for a while, just staring out over the city, and it wasn’t awkward – it maybe even felt like the most natural thing in the world.

Then they talked and talked, shared stories about people back home and people on set and some of the most ridiculous celebrities Robert had come across, and they drank most of the rest of the bottle between them, and they laughed far more than either of them had in a long time.

There was a moment where, just for a second, Robert almost decided to just fuck everything and go for it, to kiss the life out of the beautiful man sitting beside him and tell him that he hadn’t been able to get him out of his head for weeks.

Maybe Aaron sensed it, because not long after he suggested they make a move, get back to real life.

Or maybe it was just because it was cold and dark and Tracy would probably be going out of her mind about not being able to be in constant contact with him.

Robert didn’t know that Aaron wanted to leave because he was terrified. Terrified because the last few hours had felt far more real to him than anything else in his life.

He had lied when he had said he wasn’t afraid of anything.

Aaron was afraid of many things, and mostly with good reason.

But right then the thing he was most afraid of was the way Robert Sugden made him feel.

He was afraid of how close he had come to giving into those feelings when Robert had given him the look that he was becoming less and less sure he had imagined.

He was afraid, ridiculously, because of how _safe_ he felt around Robert.

He was afraid because he could never have him, and he was pretty sure he would never feel the way he did about anyone else.

He fell in love with Robert Sugden that day on the roof – or maybe he already had – and he didn’t have a fucking clue what he was going to do about it.

 

 

 


	4. sometimes a kiss lights a fire that never burns out

 

 

 

Aaron spent the next couple of weeks doing everything he could to push down his rapidly developing feelings for Robert. It didn’t help that they spent long hours on set together every day, but at least there were always plenty of people around so he didn’t have the chance to accidentally say something stupid. He spent his nights either at home or out with Tracy as well as Robert, including one particularly painful night of drinks with Tracy, Robert and Chrissie. Chrissie was perfectly pleasant to him, but he could tell that she didn’t really think much of him or Tracy. He heard her asking Robert if they could go back to his, and him telling her that he wanted to stay out longer, make a proper night of it. After that he always made excuses about why she wasn’t coming out, but Aaron knew it was because she didn’t like him – it was ridiculous, it was hardly as if Robert’s friendships with him and Tracy were any kind of threat to their relationship. Robert spent quite a few nights in with her instead, and Aaron was both ridiculously jealous, and glad that he was never drunk alone with Robert, because he didn’t want to think about what might come out of his mouth once his inhibitions were gone.

His other main distraction was the grief his family were giving him. He hadn’t spoken to any of them much when he’d first arrived in London, but now his mum was constantly ringing him telling him she missed him and wished he would come home, Brian was leaving him messages saying he’d made his point and should just give up and get back, and Ruth’s texts mostly told him to ignore them but even she admitted things were hard without him.

And on top of all of that was the constant _attention_. Thousands of fan messages, day in, day out; articles posted about him that he didn’t know a thing about until he saw them; his phone constantly buzzing; and the permanent presence of the press outside the studio. He couldn’t even nip out for a coffee without someone documenting it.

Robert took it all in his stride, and whenever they did get time to talk and he could tell it was getting to Aaron, he reminded him that he was new to all of this, so of _course_ it was weird for him and of course he would react differently to how Robert did, because Robert was just about used to this mad kind of life now, but it had taken him a long time.

Aaron knew he needed to stop worrying so much. His mum and Brian couldn’t force him to come back, and he’d known that all the attention was part of the parcel when he’d accepted the role, and this was the life he’d always wanted and he was finally doing what he loved more than anything for a living. And he had Tracy and Robert. He’d get used to it all. He was going to be fine.

 

 

 

 

 

“Here’s your scripts for Monday, boys,” Kevin said to Robert and Aaron as they wrapped up for the day, thrusting piles of paper into their hands. It was a Friday, and they usually worked at least one day over the weekend, but Kevin was taking his wife to Paris for their anniversary and had given everyone the weekend off, unwilling to let anything at all go on without him.

Aaron was still a bit unsure of what he thought of Kevin Travis. The man was a genius, there was no doubt about that. Every movie he’d ever made had been a roaring success, and _everyone_ loved him, with even the most notorious press outlets unable to find a bad word to say about him. He was friendly and charming with a knack of making every single person he ever spoke to feel special, and he never got angry when things were going wrong – even though he was a total perfectionist, he always said he would rather work all day and all night to get one tiny bit of a scene right than rush through it out of anger and frustration. He made a point of getting to know everyone he worked with and thanking them at the end of the day. So in all, he was, on paper, perfect.

But there was something about him that didn’t quite sit right with Aaron. He couldn’t put his finger on it, and maybe he was just being paranoid, but he’d always been wary of people who were too cheery and immediately able to get on with anyone they came across (he tried not to think about the fact that that trait didn’t bother him at all in Robert). He supposed he still sometimes thought that this whole thing was good to be true, that there was no way Kevin Travis could have _really_ wanted him.

But it _was_ real. This was his life, and it was finally good and exciting and so much more than he’d ever imagined he’d get to have.

“Cheers,” Aaron said. “Have a good time in Paris.”

“Thanks, my man,” Kevin said. He called Aaron that a lot – probably one of the many subliminal methods he used to convince everyone he was their best friend. “The missus will probably have bled me dry by the time we’ve made it round the shops, but it’s all worth it, innit?” A whole new designer wardrobe wouldn’t even make a dent in Kevin’s millions – nor would a fancy new car or another holiday home on some exotic island, for that matter – but Aaron just laughed along. He couldn’t imagine ever being even a fraction of as rich as Kevin was, but he did know that Kevin had worked for his money, and to be fair to him he didn’t show off about it a whole lot, and had even been known to go for a cheap pint with the cast after a long day. Aaron imagined a lot of his money was tied up in his multiple properties and his daughters’ private education, but if he wanted to he could still have easily spent more money on one night out than Aaron would have made in a whole year at Brian’s hardware store. “I bet your Chrissie’s the same. You should take her sometime,” he said to Robert.

“Maybe,” Robert said, glancing at Aaron and then smiling somewhat uncomfortably back at Kevin (although maybe that was all in Aaron’s imagination). “Have a great trip, yeah? See you Monday. How much do you want us to look over these before then?” He gestured at the bit of script he was still holding.

“Have a weekend off, lads, honestly. Definitely no more than a quick glance through on your way in Monday morning. I’m only giving them to you now because I had them on hand anyway so thought I might as well. Saves me worrying about it over the weekend and getting told off for being distracted, doesn’t it?”

“Okay then,” Robert said. “See you.”

“See you both Monday,” Kevin said, patting each of them on the shoulder before going off to talk to someone else before he left.

“We should probably have a few reads through them anyway, you think?” Robert said, turning towards Aaron.

“Probably a good idea,” Aaron said, grinning at him and rolling his eyes slightly in the way they always did when they talked about Kevin. He knew Robert liked Kevin and respected him, but he also knew he found him a bit ridiculous at times, and shared some of Aaron’s doubt that he was really as perfect as everyone seemed to think. They hadn’t talked about it in great detail, and neither of them would ever have properly bad-mouthed the man who had been so good to them, but it felt good to have private jokes with Robert Sugden. Mad, insane, completely out of the reality he’d known all his life and had expected for the rest of it – but still good. “Want to stay for a bit and do it now?”

“What I _really_ want is to go for a drink,” Robert said. “I think we both deserve it. We’ve got the weekend off; let’s make a night of it and go over them tomorrow, yeah? You can always come to mine.”

“Alright,” Aaron said. “Tracy’s got a date tonight, though.”

“Looks like it’s just us then.” Robert grinned at him, and Aaron felt his insides flip at the thought of being alone with Robert – not that they were ever really alone when they went out, but he’d never been alone with Robert in his flat either. He was being completely ridiculous; Robert was his friend and his co-star, and they were only going to be doing the two things they spent the majority of their time doing anyway – drinking and practicing lines. They didn’t actually practice together outside of work that often though; they put in such long days on set and went over everything so many times with Kevin and alone whenever they had time for a break that they didn’t actually need to do much in the time they weren’t at work. Aaron usually just ran through his lines at home last thing at night and first thing in the morning, sometimes getting Tracy to fill in for Robert even though she wasn’t technically meant to see the scripts.

He found himself thinking that maybe he should take a leaf out of Tracy’s book and try to start dating. He knew he wouldn’t be able to keep anything private, but maybe that didn’t matter. He was young, and finally living away from the tiny village he’d called home since he was sixteen, and he had the world at his feet (not that he would _ever_ use that expression), and there was no harm in having fun, and he shouldn’t have to worry about the world knowing who he was sleeping with. They’d move on soon enough – there would always be some new, bigger drama.

Maybe this whole crush (because that’s really all it was) on Robert was simply because he hadn’t been with anyone in a long time, and maybe he would have felt the same way about anyone he’d spent so much time with as he had with Robert, and as much as the idea of going out on the pull didn’t really excite him as it had when he’d first known he was moving to London, there was no reason why he shouldn’t, and a few drinks should certainly get him in the mood. He was sure he’d be able to convince Tracy to go out with him the following night – neither of them had ever really needed much persuading.

Satisfied with his plan for the weekend, he headed to a nearby Chinese restaurant with Robert to grab some food, both of them having hardly eaten all day, before going for a few drinks and then spending the rest of the night listening to Tracy moaning about how boring the guy she’d been out with had been. Aaron did feel bad for her, but a part of him was also glad that at least she’d be up for going out on the pull the following night as well. She was more than enthusiastic about the idea, telling Aaron she was relieved he was finally taking advantage of being away from Emmerdale and the people he’d always known and actually letting himself have some _fun_.

Fun. He could do fun.

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron arrived at Robert’s flat in the middle of the following afternoon, still slightly hungover from the night before and trying to focus his mind on the night out he and Tracy had planned and not on the fact that he was going to be alone with the man who, if he was being honest with himself, he hadn’t been able to get out of his head for weeks.

Robert answered the door with his script and a pen in one hand. Aaron hadn’t even looked at his; of course Robert was more bloody on it than him. He always was. It wasn’t that Aaron didn’t take his job seriously – far from it; he spent an unhealthy amount of time worrying about it – but professionalism just seemed to come more naturally to Robert. It didn’t help that his hair was sticking up a bit and he was wearing an oversized T-shirt and grey joggers rolled up at the bottom and yet he _still_ looked like he could be on the cover of any magazine. It was definitely the most casual Aaron had ever seen him looking, and he hated himself for how much he liked it, hated himself for even _noticing_.

“Have you read it?” Robert asked, once they were inside and sitting on his couch, two beers on the coffee table in front of them, Aaron relieved that Robert seemed to have finally given up trying to persuade him to drink one of his fancy wines.

“No,” Aaron admitted. “We can’t all be as dedicated as you, can we?”

“Oh.”

“What?”

“Nothing. It’s just – it’s the scene of our first kiss. Well, Victor and David’s first kiss – you know what I mean. I know we only usually practice at work but I thought maybe we should – practice, you know, seeing as we haven’t kissed yet – make sure we can make it come across as genuine and all that. Chemistry and all that shit Kevin’s always going on about.”

Aaron had spent weeks wondering what it would be like to kiss Robert.

He couldn’t help wondering whether Robert always did this – practicing kissing – with his on-screen love interests before doing it in front of the camera. It was hardly as if he could ask him – that wouldn’t make him seem weird at all.

“Go on then,” Aaron said, desperately trying to keep his voice level, and to ignore his rapidly increasing heartbeat.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. We’ve got to make it good, haven’t we? We need people to believe in their relationship.”

“Exactly.”

Aaron knew that Robert genuinely cared about the movie, and the characters, and making everything as authentic as possible – as did he. Of course he cared, and he knew that all of that was far more important than the way he felt about Robert – but that didn’t stop him from feeling that way.

He knew that Robert cared, but a tiny part of him detected that maybe there was something more, that confirming the chemistry of the characters wasn’t his only intention.

Or maybe he was imagining it.

Of course he was imagining it.

They read through the couple of pages of lines before the kiss, and as much as he hoped Robert thought the reason he kept stumbling over his words was that it was the first time he’d seen them, Aaron couldn’t help but notice the way Robert also stumbled a few times – or, more likely, that was just another thing he was imagining.

Aaron had to be the one to lean into the kiss as it was his character David who initiated it, but before their lips even met he had all but forgotten everything about the characters they were supposed to be playing.

He looked at Robert for far longer than it said to in the script, their faces so close they were almost but not quite touching, and then he gently stroked Robert’s cheek with his thumb before pressing their lips together. Robert’s mouth was warm and inviting and it wasn’t long before he was wrapping his arms around Aaron’s neck and pulling him in even closer. They kissed for considerably longer than Aaron was sure they would be expected to, and when they finally pulled apart they were both breathless, and they sat side-by-side for a good minute before Robert eventually spoke.

“Want to try that again?” he asked, his voice almost a murmur.

Aaron just nodded, and they went through the last few lines, and then they kissed again, and they practiced over and over, the kisses each time becoming more heated rather than being anything resembling consistent, and neither of them said that what they were doing was about anything other than making a good movie, and eventually they stopped, because they had to, because it wasn’t as if they could admit that it had possibly been about anything more.

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron didn’t go out that night. He told Tracy he wasn’t feeling up it, and she spent a good half hour trying to persuade him that it would be good for him, but she knew she couldn’t make him. He hoped she put it down to the fact that although it didn’t usually take much for one of them to convince the other to go out, he did just get like that sometimes, and that sometimes everything was just a bit too much. They drank straight whisky because it was all they had in, and they ordered pizza and watched one of the crappy romantic comedies Tracy loved and Aaron pretended to hate much more than he actually did. He told her about practicing the kissing scene with Robert because he wanted to make it seem like a much lesser deal than it had been to him, and he knew that by her jokey _I wish that was me, Sugden’s certainly a bit of alright_ reaction that she had no idea as to his true feelings. He almost wanted to tell her, but he didn’t. He couldn’t.

Robert was glad Chrissie was in Milan for a shoot, because he didn’t think he could have faced a night with her when all he could think about was Aaron.

Aaron had been all he could really think about for a while, and now that he’d kissed him and it had been so much more than he’d imagined – and he’d imagined it more than once or twice – he knew he definitely wouldn’t be getting him out of his head any time soon. He didn’t want to either. He knew he _should_ want to, he _wanted_ to want to – but he didn’t.

Aaron didn’t either.

They both spent all of Sunday doing little other than replaying the events of the previous day to themselves.

And neither of them remembered any of their lines come Monday.

 

 

 


End file.
